I. Am. A. Geek. I go to conventions dressed as characters most people haven't heard of. I have taken it upon myself to get into the old-school Doctor Who. I have crackpot theories about what is going to happen in series three of BBC's Sherlock. I have thrown my XBox control across the room because Dragon Age: Origins glitched and I had to start over. But holy mother of god I wear makeup! I spent a whopping $200 on my prom dress because it was too damn pretty to pass up. I swoon if I hear Hugh Jackman talking on the TV. The idea that none of these things could ever go together has me in suck a tizzy. I have thrown some of the biggest bitch fits you have ever heard over the ideas that so many male geeks have about women in "their" culture. I say "their" because men have tried to claim geekdom as their own things. Stop. Just stop because I will shove my adorable shoes up into places where the sun doesn't shine.
Let's start with cons and cosplaying, shall we? Now it's been my experience that a lot of male nerds are shy. They are not eloquent and they don't always know how to approach women. This isn't always the case, I know. I'm dating a geek and he's not shy or quiet about anything. Ever. But most of the men I've come across at cons have not idea how to function around women. In order to understand the story I'm about to tell you, I must explain the concept of real time vs. boob time to all the boys out there. 1 second of real time staring translates to about 5 seconds of boob time. Got it? Good. Geek.kon two years ago is the setting. I have just walked out of a panel about feminism in geek culture (perfect, right?). In tow are two new friends of mine, one is still a good friend over Tumblr and Facebook. As we are walking out, we see the most adorable thing ever. It's a turtle. Dressed as a Dalek. In the hallway. Holy. Shit. While we are staring at it in sheer amazement, here comes the owner of the tortoise. I'd like to mention that I was wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans. Nothing revealing. This guy has the nerve to stare of at least five seconds of real time staring. For everyone that is not good at the maths, that is 25 seconds of boob time. That is what we call rude, children. And what's worse, he pulls out a stick that says, "I was inspected by Dave" and puts it right on my chest. No asking, he just did it. My friends shuffled me off to the nearest bathroom to save the idiot from the wrath of Megan. This isn't uncommon. It is disgusting and it is made a billion (not exaggerating) times worse when cosplay is thrown into the mix. Female video game, graphic novel, and science fiction characters tend to be a bit lacking in the clothing department (we'll get around to that later). I personally don't mind cosplaying these characters, but don't tell me I'm asking for it when some bumbling fool has the nerve to make some outrageous comment or make me feel degraded. That's not okay.
Oh the fandoms. Oh the fake geek girl bullshit. Dearies, I am new to Who. I know this. I acknowledge it. I'm okay with it. I am not okay with people putting me down for not knowing when the Cybermen were first seen in the newer Doctor Who. What I hate more is people thinking that I don't know because I have a vagina. That makes sense, right? My reproductive organs totally factor in to my ability to buy and watch 50 years worth of Doctor Who, yes? Logical. Mhm. If you are agreeing with that, don't tell me. I don't want to be your friend. The fact that I am still working through playing Elder Scrolls: Oblivion (not Skyrim because that shit's gotta go down in price first) and Dragon Age: Origins does not mean that I can't appreciate the fandom. SPOILER: Don't tell me I can't have feels about having to kill of Vicente in Oblivion because dammit I have feels. I want Cullen as a romance option in Dragon Age not because he's pretty, but because he's broken and I want to fix him. Like where did that even come from? Women only appreciate games because of the pretty men in them? What? I'd like to add that I know more about the Fable franchise than a lot of men out there. It's not a good franchise, by the way. They killed it and I has sads about this. I could go on forever about this, but I won't because I want to talk about Dragon Age.
I want to talk about this because Dragon Age (and Fable, but I'm on a DA kick) give me a lot of mixed feelings. Most of my feelings are good. The character depth and customization was revolutionary. Any romance option in most other games must be of the opposite gender. Most main characters are male. Most characters are white. Most are human. But not in DA. Do you want to be a dark skinned female City Elf taken from her home to live in the Mage's Tower and then find love with a white female human rogue? YOU GO FOR IT AND OWN THAT SHIT! Hell, in DA2, you can go ahead and romance Sebastian who refuses to have sex with you because he is the Chantry's bitch (but nobody wants to do that because Sebastian is a creeper). But here is my bone to pick with Bioware, guys. Armor. Female armor. While a lot of it is ideal for fighting, there are some things that I really can't wrap my head around. Female mage armor, for example. Mages are what games like to call "squishy." If you hit us with an object, we lose like a third of our HP.
You guys, this isn't what squishy people want to wear.
And let's talk about Morrigan, yes? A strong, independent apostate who don't need not man... or clothing.
WHAT IS THAT EVEN? LIKE THOSE ARE ALL OF YOUR VITAL ORGANS ABOUT TO GET PUNCTURED!
Oddly enough, the armor provided for rogues and warriors isn't too bad. Some of it is impractical and I really need to get to class now. So I'm going to give you this little link here. Read it and find it useful for all of your feminist gaming needs, okay?
See you in class! Tatty bye!
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